i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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