I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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