he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
they're like a gay fantastic four
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
