She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
