that's an acceptable place to lick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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