SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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