Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
