Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
