I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize