just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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