Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
