I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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