Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
