i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize