I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
