So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dick has a subreddit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
