Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
