I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize