so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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