My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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