I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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