Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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