the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
that is very illegal...i love you.
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