I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
