I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
