by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
