I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
