You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
