All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
