I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
