Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Someone signed my nipple.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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