Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
