very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
