well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
