You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
