I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
