I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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