Will you blow on my dice?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
