oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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