the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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