I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
