That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
