I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
