yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
