After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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