we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dick very happy bro
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
