I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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