anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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