Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
