Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
