I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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