Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
