forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
