member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
