Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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