i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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