she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
