I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
