all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
