Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
