arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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