Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
