I wish I only lived at night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
