do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
