Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize