Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
