I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
